Down to Nothing

grief and life

I have gone away.  I was forced to resign from my job.  A long story that I refuse explain in any detail.  I hated that job anyway.  It had been planned for quite some time.  That was obvious.  I didn't actually ask why it was happening, because I honestly didn't care.  I just wanted out...alive and without consequence.  I've moved back in with my mom along with my son and have left Taylor to fend for himself.  He will be joining me shortly, or so he says. 

This is the most unsure of myself and my parenting skills I have felt since Bob was born.

posted by: Islena at February 22, 2006 20:32 | link | comments |

I am telling myself to breathe.  To not get angry. 

I had such plans for this weekend.  We were working so diligently on cleaning up our house for this party.  All dreams of clean, cool living were squashed.  We have TONS of laundry that I was going to work on this afternoon.  Our washing machine is still broken, but I have finally contacted our landlord and it will be fixed shortly.  I was going to load it all in my Astro van and do it all at once.  I was going to scrub my kitchen floors.  I was going to vacuum and move my furniture around to be sure there was adequate seating. 

I am at work.

Pile of laundry.  Dirty floors.  No seating.

Grr. 

Insert comments about shitty work ethic here _____________________________________.

posted by: Islena at February 05, 2006 13:36 | link | comments |

Please call me today and offer me a job...please...please...please

posted by: Islena at February 03, 2006 08:50 | link | comments |

A 17 year old boy hanged himself in the bathroom of our small community's high school yesterday morning. This is the second or third suicide in the past few years.  A young track star shot herself in the middle of the track field 5 years ago.  It makes me wonder why, in such a small, middle class, suburban community are these children killing themselves?  This young man was a vibrant, smart, attractive football and baseball star with a girlfriend of 1 1/2 years.  He had a twin brother who had been very sick until he gave him his own liver.  He was the kid that other kids wanted to be.  He was not a bad student.  He was not a seemingly trouble youth.  He did not wear a trenchcoat.  He was not the "typical" suicidal type often referred to in after-school specials.  He wrote his brother a goodbye letter.  A few students had seen the rope.  He had been keeping it in his locker.  He had gotten into a fight with a teacher earlier that morning and was sent to the office.  Instead of going to the office, he went to the least frequented bathroom and carefully hanged himself.  They didn't close the school.  They gave the students an option to go home.  They kept grief counselors on-site.  I ran into a student from the high school while I was buying a new toilet seat.  He had been close friends with the deceased.  HE WAS AT WORK!!  I couldn't imagine. 

posted by: Islena at February 02, 2006 14:32 | link | comments |