Down to Nothing

grief and life

Work, Work, and more Work

The local university's homecoming football game is tomorrow.  I am spread like mayonnaise, thin over everything.  I was looking forward to having a semi-calm weekend with a big birthday bash for my son tomorrow night, but I have been called into the trenches, again.  My last day off was last Sunday.  I won't have another until I'm driving to North Carolina on Thursday.  Officially half of my staff has put in their notice.  The last one to leave will have their last shift next weekend.  I have hired one person thus far.  I'm running around like a mad woman, preparing Bob's first birthday, while intensely working with a psychotic gleam in my eye.  I'm tired and nervous, giddy and unrespondent.  I will leave the hotel in thirty minutes, fold laundry, vacuum, dust, buy eggs for the cakes, and return to work at 11pm for a few minutes.  Then, I will finally sleep a bit.   

posted by: Islena at September 30, 2005 14:32 | link | comments (1) |

I am having my hair dyed and cut today to prepare myself for my cousin's wedding.  I will spend enirely too much money to cover up my early gray.  My grandpa has white hair at a very early age.  My brother and I have the cursed gray hair gene.  I have not gotten a haircut in ages. 

I interviewed a good candidate today.  I definitely wouldn't get along with him socially, but he has muchos hotel experience and is desperate for a job.  I thought, "AHA.  I found someone to replace me in 9 months."  He is meeting with the General Manager, now.  Though, some things stand out such as, he hasn't worked for over a year and he hasn't held a job for more than a year.  Oh well.   

Taylor and I have decided definitely to move closer to our parents.  We will move in 7-9 months.  Taylor wanted to tell his boss right away, but I convinced him that it was a terrible idea.  (Sorry to those of you who know me and I hadn't told, yet)  I have to revamp my resume this weekend.  I'm not sure how soon I should start sending it.  I don't want to begin looking for a job too early.  As I spoke to Taylor yesterday, I discovered that he has wanted to move back since my Gram announced that she was sick, LAST MAY!!  He waited patiently, allowing me to mull it over and make the decision.  He said that he would stay as long as I wanted to.  I couldn't believe it.  This must be why he has been so miserable.  Not to mention, we NEVER see each other.

Crimany.  I just met with my boss and I have to work this weekend.  So, I will party hard with my family and friends, while being on call.

posted by: Islena at September 28, 2005 09:17 | link | comments |

Merry Unbirthday

I collected photos for an album to display at Bob's birthday party Saturday.  In my search, I found a calendar.  The type that you put stickers on for your kids various achievments in their first year.  I laughed as I thought of a story my brother had told me.  A woman scrapbooked EVERY day of her sons first 4 years in this world.  I barely made it through 4 months of stickers and filling in the blanks!  It is best to think that I was too busy being an excellent parent for such trivial activites.  I'd like to make a scrapbook of the past year, but can one put obituaries and tragedy in such a happy item?  One couldn't completely document the year without them.

The 10 most major events of 2005 (in no specific order):

1.  My son is bron

2.  My dad dies

3.  My uncle dies

4.  My Gram will probably die

5.  My son walks

6.  My son laughs

7.  My son says his first word "Hi"

8.  I get promoted into a thankless, overworked, underpaid position

9.  My son eats his and other's toes.

10.  I discontinue breastfeeding.

posted by: Islena at September 27, 2005 06:13 | link | comments |

I dreamt of a life full of love and happiness.  Strangely, it was not the life I'm leading. 

posted by: Islena at September 26, 2005 08:39 | link | comments (1) |

I could paint you a picture of intolerance

My aunt married a man who has done nothing but slide wedges into our interpersonal family relationships.  His newest wedge was a story to divide us completely.  David was killed by pens and pencils.  This man, Flannel, hated teachers and science and homosexuality.  He made up this elaborate story in order to manipulate the situation to be Dave's fault.  It was God's punishment for Dave's sins.  My aunt and Flannel didn't attend the service.  Afterwards, we had a small family barbeque at my Gram's house.  My aunt and Flannel were at my Gram's when we arrived, but left quickly and without saying goodbye.  Dave was tolerant, even when Flannel and aunt would not let their children near him, in fear that Dave would molest them.  Of course, gay men ALWAYS molest young children.  I wish I could be as tolerant and compassionate.  But, this time, Flannel has gone too far.  There is no forgiveness left.     

posted by: Islena at September 26, 2005 08:29 | link | comments |

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